CLAPS – the sound of two hands clapping
SNAPS – sound of recording tape made by pressing REWIND while tape recorder is in
FAST FORWARD mode
WHAPS – Sound of a piano keyboard being played by the elbow.
SLAPS – piano keyboard played by the palm of the hand
THWACKS – sound of a piano keyboard being played by a 2” x 4” board.[1]
FLAPS – sound of a piano being played by a board and missing
WHACKS – sound of a piano being played by an axe or hatchet[2]
CRACKS - what you get on a piano after it is played by an axe or hatchet
Many musicians refer to their instrument as an axe, possibly because ancient jam sessions used to have cutting sessions where musicians competed to see who played best.. Before the saxophone sections of the modern big band, swing bands actually had AX SECTIONS
straight axe - (soprano)
Axehorn - (alto)
axe backwards – (tenor)
lo-blo – (baritone axe)
bass ackward - (bass axe)
exactophone
axtone
blastophone
bad axe exactoplayer
slash axe
axecidental
Tommy Hawk
crashaxe
lead axe
C Melody Axe
Hackensack - bag for carrying axophone
hacksaw blades
Mike Hammer
hammer tone
hammered organ
no axe players allowed without proof of insurance
go-now
grapophone
scandisk
scandaldisk
flat axe
novaphone
backaxe
axeback
crash jack in the bax
richphone
box of axe
axtion
ACETONE
SNAPTONE (snap on - snap off - the snapper)
STRAPTONE (strap on-strap off-the strapper)
CRACKTONE (crack on-crack off-the cracker)
(crap on-crap off-the crapper)
SNUFFTONE (snuff on – snuff off – the snuffer)
NOTON – indicator light tells you if your instrument is turned on or off
NOTONE – mouthpiece with a hole in the side so you can practice without making noise
YOKO ONO TONE
ONOPHONE
NOSOPHONE
NOSETONE
NOODLE TONE – allows you to noodle softly while other musicians are playing
IKE TONE – lyric prompter that calls lyrics to the lead singer if she can’t remember
(named for Ike Turner who used to prompt Tina Turner.)
NOSETRONICS
ISOTONE
ONE TONE
TWO TONE
ONE TWO THREE FOUR TONE
BRASS TACKS
CRACKED ASS
BRASS TAX
CRASS ACT
BRASSOPHONE
LACTOPHONE=-
SOYATONE
AXE HOLE –indentations in a piano made by hitting it with an axe
WHOLE AXE
RAPID AXE GRAPHICS
LAST OF THE BATCH AXE
ACIDOGRAPHTONE
RING TONE
RONG TONE
TONE RUNG
RONG RUNG
TONELADDER—which rung are you on?
BREAKS – anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes taken by musicians for the purpose of
smoking marijuana
BREAKS – what you get in the tape after you press REWIND while the tape
is in FAST FORWARD mode
PICK UP BAND – it’s okay to pick up musicians but you get in trouble if you
try to pick up prostitutes.
BRAKES –what we hope the Pontiac has when we drive to the gig Saturday night
BENT HORN AND BENT HORN REMOVAL SYNDROME
PHONE JACK—(self explanatory)
PICK AXE
BATTLE AXE
SNARE DRUM – usually means to pick up an extra drum from an unwary drummer
TOM TOM
FLOOR TOM
BASS DRUM
TOM DICK AND HARRY DRUM
AXE MASTER
BEASTO
BEASTOSO
BEASTISSIMO
BLASTOSO
BLAST MASTER
BLUNT
BLUNTMASTER
TRAP DRUMS – uses drums as bait to snare unwary musicians
MU – legendary lost continent thought to have been populated by jazz musicians
TRAP SET – a set of traps, usually S M L and XL for catching small animals
TRAPS SET – usually by girl friends to catch a drummer for a boy friend for the purpose
of making him settle down and stop playing
LAUNDROMAT -- place for doing laundry in coin operated washing machines
ATONAL -- music consisting of only one tone, in this case an A natural.
ATTUNEMENT – in my experience it usually meant something like “All the Things
You Are” or “I’ll Remember April.”
ATONEMENT -- sometimes it could be F sharp or maybe a B natural or any of the
other tones. There are only 12 tones possible, but any number of possible
tunes.
CORNU (< L.) horn
NUMBER -- a marijuana cigarette smoked by musicians during a break
TECHNOPHONE
PHONOPHOBIA
TESTOSTEROPHONE
BROKEN PHONE
SEXOPHONE
PHONE SEX PHONE
PHONEY PHONE SEX PHONE
TESSLACHORD
BALONEY – a sandwich favored by Dr. Bologna of the Internet Institute
S.A. – short for Spanish American
SLANG --
S – Language spoken by Mexican Americans
SLING -- slang term meaning to sell dop indiscriminately, particularlymethamphetamine.
SLING -- what your ass will be in if you get caught selling methamphetamine
CON MOTO – with motion
CON BRIO – with brevity
CON DOM -- condominium
Chile Relleno – served with chile relleno
POCO A POCO -- little by little
BAND AGE -- usually the total age of all the musicians added together and divided by the number of members in the band.
BOND AGE – can vary from person to person but usually occurs sometime after the the onset of puberty and before the end of senescence. But it usually occurs.
LANGUAGE EXTRACTION -- basic, Cobol java ms-dos mos ASCII and binary
PRESS RELEASE – for cassette door to open
LEAD GUITAR
STEEL GUITAR
STOLEN GUITAR - $25
TOMMY HAWK - jazz disk jockey known to be a sharp dresser PHANTASMOGORAPHONE
BACK LASSIE – bad dog
HEAD ARRANGEMENT -- musical arrangement that is not written down but is kept in the heads of the musicians involved
HEAD ARRANGEMENT – a floor plan detailing the locations of rest rooms on a given floor or building
HEAD ARRANGEMENT -- an arrangement similar to the one Bill Clinton had with Monica Lewinsky that didn’t involve sex.
LEAD SHEETS -- you think those Babylonian clay tablets were heavy, these music sheets weigh too much to take to the gig but will shield you from atomic radiation
CHORD CHART – a diagram showing what chords to play in what measure.
CORD CHART -- a diagram telling where the amplifiers and electric sound equipment is meant to be plugged in
CATASTROPHONE –phonic --phrenia --phobia --phile
CORNIPHOBIA -- fear of corny music
CANTATA – Can Tata take us to the automated teller again this afternoon?
BURR -- it’s cold outside
BLOW -- to improvise playing music
BLOW JOB -- a professional engagement playing music and improvising
BLOWN JOB – fired from the music job for too much improvising
GIG – that’s 1,000 megabytes or 100,000 kilobytes.
BANG – getting a lot of enjoyment out of something
BANG – (extra-musical) sound made by pounding a non-keyboard part of a piano with your fist
BANG -- to fuck somebody on top of the piano
BHANG -- especially powerful cannabis from India
BONG – a device for smoking bhang.
SPADE – a small shovel for digging holes in dirt
HORN -- to administer a drug such as coke by nostril
TOOT – to sniff a drug like coke. he had to toot his own horn, but at least he had a horn to toot
BASS – a game fish caught by sports fishermen. Largemouth or smallmouth BACKSLASH -- an IBM dos prompt
4’ 33”—composition by John Cage during which a piano soloist does not play for four minutes and thirty-three seconds
5’15” – follow-up to 4’33” in which a French horn soloist doesn’t play for five minutes and fifteen seconds
GREATEST HITS – reissue of all of John Cage’s silent pieces, including 6’05” and the seldom-performed 1’37”
LIVE AT ROCKEFELLER CENTER – stunning performances of John Cage’s greatest works by the New York Philharmonic. Includes 33’42”, the famous ‘Silent Symphony’ by John Cage.
JAWBREAKER
JELLY DONUT
1st BASS – usually kissing on the first date
2ND BASS -- some symphony orchestras have two bass parts
3RD BASS -- there is no third bass
DEMO -- a recording made on an incomplete modem missing part of the demodulator and all of the modulator
BALLS – music played with a masculine aggressive quality, usually intended as a compliment, “He played with a lot of balls.”
CANTATA – Can’t Tata play timbales with us tonight?
SPADES – one of four suites in a deck of standard playing cards.
BALLS – pitches outside the strike zone. Too many pitches outside the strike zone and the batter can take the base on balls
N O M A N I S AN I S L A N D E C O M P L E T E UN T O HIMSELF BUT E A C H I S A PAR T O F T H E M A I N E L A N D E SAY THE OPEN PORT OF TAHITI
BOX BOYS
WRAP REMOVER -- it was the night before Xmas
OZONE – zero polarity
NOZONE -- couldn’t get to first bass
LOWZONE -- trying to get under a low overhead
SOLOW –
MUSIC TAPE
MAGNETIC TAPE
ACOUSTIC TAPE
ELECTRIC TAPE
DUCT TAPE
DUCK TAPE
TAPE DUCKS
TAPE DECKS
TAPE MEASURE
SCOTCH TAPE
BLANK TAPE
RHAPSODY—instrumental rap music
MIKE TEST
OPEN MIKE
MIKE LEVEL
MIKE BALANCE
MIKE MIKE
PITCH—to throw a ball at a batter
PITCH—try to sell somebody something they don’t want to buy BALLS—pitches outside the strike zone
BALL—to fuck somebody on top of a piano in a masculine aggressive manner
BALLED MEN – fucked men on top of the piano who don’t have hair on their head
BLOW (B-LOW)—music that doesn’t go below the pitch of B natural
PITCH BLEND—electronically combines two or more pitches like F# and A by substituting one for the other at a controlled rate of speed
PITCH BEND –curve ball
FOOTNOTES
__________________
[1] Charles Ives (in his Piano Sonata) notated a tone cluster that could only be articulated by placing a 2”x4” on the piano keyboard and pressing down.[2] In response to 4’33” by John Cage (in which a concert pianist sits at a piano for four minutes thirty three seconds and does not play) a piece was composed where a concert pianist takes an axe to a piano and demolishes it.