The new Accu-Vac 8400 is the most powerful vacuum cleaner ever marketed for domestic use. Stronger than most industrial strength vacuum cleaners, the AV-8400 has been featured in television ads vacuuming up live chickens, so I guess that proves the AV-8400 literally “sucks cocks.” While this raised a lot of controversy from animal rights advocates, by and large the public response to the vacuum cleaner was enthusiastic. Most people said, “This vacuum SUCKS!”
There were some adverse reactions, however. “That cock sucking vacuum cleaner ate my shoes!” complained one customer.
A male hustler said the AV-8400 caused him to have to have a half-price sale.
Some endorsements came from unconventional sources. A homophobic ex-weightlifter said, “I don’t usually like to vacuum, I just like to push that cocksucker around.”
Accu-Vac recently announced the release of a new blow-dry accessory that attaches to the AV-8400 to enable you to give your partner a professional quality blow dry. “There’s nothing like a professional blow job from the AV-8400.”
Asked if there was a danger that other small animals would be vacuumed up , a spokesperson for the AV-8400 said, “To date nothing larger than a small dog.”
In a related story, Psychedelphia, a suburb of Acidopolis, announced the appointment of Rafael “Sticks” Hudson to the position of Head Ass-Catcher for animal control. Criticized by some as a glorified dogcatcher, the position actually confers no more authority than any other dogcatcher. The position requires specialist training and certain other abilities not expected of ordinary dogcatchers. An Ass, also known as a donkey or a burro, while smaller than a horse, is larger than any other species currently under animal control. You can’t send a dogcatcher to pick up an ass. But an ass-catcher, trained to pick up a small horse, is qualified to pick up any kind of dog. Likewise, a dogcatcher can pick up a stray cat, but you can’t send a cat catcher to pick up a stray dog. A cat catcher can pick up a stray mouse or a bird, but you wouldn’t send a mouse catcher to pick up a cat. That would be ridiculous. On the other hand, an ass catcher specializes in catching ass but doesn’t have the authority to pick up a human being. Although they could probably pick up some children as long as they were smaller than horses.
At high velocity the Accu-Vac 8400 vibrates so hard it jerks its own self off.
VAROOM Vacuum Cleaner Sales and Service specializing in the Accu-Vac 8400 has introduced the new Hand-Vac accessory that allows you to vacuum yourself off as well as vacuum other people. This way you could suck yourself off before going out and giving professional blowjobs to other people.
Accused of vacuuming small children, a spokesperson replied, “That kid was as big as a small horse.”
Because dogs don’t vacuum small children, they blow dry them.
Psychedelphia city council proposed changing the name of the city to Psychodelphia to keep up with the times.
Truant Officer T. J. Hookey was sent to investigate a wave of absences in public schools.
Socially, Distortion means the static introduced in television reception when operating a vacuum cleaner.
Acidopolis police were unable to prevent the vacuuming of a small dog with a Horse-Vac but were able to issue citations for operating a cocksucker without a permit.
Laboratory spiders on LSD wove distorted webs, but the Spider-Vac vacuumed them out of the back of the radio.
“Hey, kid, wanna make $5.00?”
“I’ll take you up on the hand job if I don’t get any better offers, but I’ll have to charge you $10.00.”
“I guess this is where I get off,” said the I.V. drug user, getting out his syringe to shoot some dope.
“That sucks,” said Ass-catcher “Sticks’ Hudson.
There were some adverse reactions, however. “That cock sucking vacuum cleaner ate my shoes!” complained one customer.
A male hustler said the AV-8400 caused him to have to have a half-price sale.
Some endorsements came from unconventional sources. A homophobic ex-weightlifter said, “I don’t usually like to vacuum, I just like to push that cocksucker around.”
Accu-Vac recently announced the release of a new blow-dry accessory that attaches to the AV-8400 to enable you to give your partner a professional quality blow dry. “There’s nothing like a professional blow job from the AV-8400.”
Asked if there was a danger that other small animals would be vacuumed up , a spokesperson for the AV-8400 said, “To date nothing larger than a small dog.”
In a related story, Psychedelphia, a suburb of Acidopolis, announced the appointment of Rafael “Sticks” Hudson to the position of Head Ass-Catcher for animal control. Criticized by some as a glorified dogcatcher, the position actually confers no more authority than any other dogcatcher. The position requires specialist training and certain other abilities not expected of ordinary dogcatchers. An Ass, also known as a donkey or a burro, while smaller than a horse, is larger than any other species currently under animal control. You can’t send a dogcatcher to pick up an ass. But an ass-catcher, trained to pick up a small horse, is qualified to pick up any kind of dog. Likewise, a dogcatcher can pick up a stray cat, but you can’t send a cat catcher to pick up a stray dog. A cat catcher can pick up a stray mouse or a bird, but you wouldn’t send a mouse catcher to pick up a cat. That would be ridiculous. On the other hand, an ass catcher specializes in catching ass but doesn’t have the authority to pick up a human being. Although they could probably pick up some children as long as they were smaller than horses.
At high velocity the Accu-Vac 8400 vibrates so hard it jerks its own self off.
VAROOM Vacuum Cleaner Sales and Service specializing in the Accu-Vac 8400 has introduced the new Hand-Vac accessory that allows you to vacuum yourself off as well as vacuum other people. This way you could suck yourself off before going out and giving professional blowjobs to other people.
Accused of vacuuming small children, a spokesperson replied, “That kid was as big as a small horse.”
Because dogs don’t vacuum small children, they blow dry them.
Psychedelphia city council proposed changing the name of the city to Psychodelphia to keep up with the times.
Truant Officer T. J. Hookey was sent to investigate a wave of absences in public schools.
Socially, Distortion means the static introduced in television reception when operating a vacuum cleaner.
Acidopolis police were unable to prevent the vacuuming of a small dog with a Horse-Vac but were able to issue citations for operating a cocksucker without a permit.
Laboratory spiders on LSD wove distorted webs, but the Spider-Vac vacuumed them out of the back of the radio.
“Hey, kid, wanna make $5.00?”
“I’ll take you up on the hand job if I don’t get any better offers, but I’ll have to charge you $10.00.”
“I guess this is where I get off,” said the I.V. drug user, getting out his syringe to shoot some dope.
“That sucks,” said Ass-catcher “Sticks’ Hudson.
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